


drifting snow

by glossy_stars



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempt at Humor, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, I'm Bad At Tagging, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Mall Santa Claus!Soonyoung, Reunions, Soonhoon - Freeform, honestly me too, soonyoung is just... so in love, this was supposed to be pure fluff but i am physically incapable of making that happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:09:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28294356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glossy_stars/pseuds/glossy_stars
Summary: “Soonyoung... is that really you?”A bright smile forms on his face right then, until he glances back down at the strands of fake white beard hair jostling at the bottom of his field of vision, realizing why it had taken so long for Jihoon to recognize him.Oh how he wishes this reunion had happened under better— or at the very least normal— circumstances.orA SoonHoon AU where Soonyoung is a part-time mall Santa who accidentally runs into his ex-bestfriend/crush in the most unconventional way possible
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi & Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 10
Kudos: 114





	drifting snow

**Author's Note:**

> first of all, big thanks to [@YUSEONGS](https://archiveofourown.org/users/YUSEONGS) for the prompt <333 i hope i did it justice~!! 
> 
> “Out of the many words, the words ‘I miss you’ somehow make the memories so much clearer  
> But it drifts away again and the next thing comes  
> Naturally fitting myself to the present  
> In some memories there is pain or regret  
> In other places, there’s sadness and excuses  
> It smoothly drifts away but what remains is a good feeling”
> 
> \- Drift Away, SEVENTEEN

Christmas season, for many, invites a flurry of various emotions. Excitement— people awaiting gifts tucked under Christmas trees, inside stockings, or in the form of a bonus check at work. Comfort— revisiting loved ones, sleeping in while huddled under a warm blanket, or taking a nice long sip of the special hot cocoa the café only offers during the holidays. Or even nervousness— for those who hadn’t planned what gifts to buy ahead of time, rushing to the nearest mall only a day or two before Christmas Eve, hoping to snag a decent enough present. 

For Soonyoung, however, Christmas season sparks a different kind of joy. For the past couple of years, he had been volunteering at the local mall as a part-time Santa Claus. He had been doing it for free at first, satisfied enough with the smiles he managed to bring to mall-goers’ faces, but the mall’s supervisors said he had been doing great enough of a job to merit an actual paycheck. And though he and his parents never had a particular “Christmas tradition” to follow each year, seeing as he lives alone in the city with his only family residing miles away, this would be what he considers as closest enough to one. Despite the occasional feeling of loneliness that creeps up on him from time-to-time, he knows that his parents are proud of him for chasing his dreams in Seoul. As long as he can live out his ambitions, he stays, and that won’t be changing anytime soon. Besides, he can always video call or visit his family any other time. At the moment, he would much rather be spending the days leading up to Christmas at the mall, handing out candy canes and entertaining the kids’ funny or downright unrealistic Christmas wishes. 

So here he is, sitting on his “throne” of sorts, oversized and lined with faux velvet, bag of goodies nearly empty at his side. It’s approaching 9pm, but the mall is very much alive and bustling, last-minute shoppers going about their business. Soonyoung has about an hour before he’s supposed to go home for the day, but children barely visit the mall at this time, so he opts to relax his stance for a bit. He had been keeping appearances since 9am, friendly smile never wavering at any given moment, so he was quite honestly exhausted. He knows he isn’t a “picture-perfect” Santa, no huggable belly in sight, so he might as well put on the beard and act like him the best he can. Still, worn out by today’s events, he stands up to loosen up his stiff joints and lets out a discreet yawn. He closes his eyes for a brief moment, willing himself to not fall asleep in the middle of this mall’s lobby, when he feels a faint tug on his robe and flinches in surprise. He looks downwards to find a young girl, probably no older than the age of six, eyes shimmering with excitement. She looks strangely familiar to him, though he’s sure he’s never seen this kid before. Maybe it’s the eye smile or the faint dimples gracing her cheeks, he thinks, reminding him of a very specific _someone._

Regaining his composure, he gives her his warmest smile, and the child’s excitement appears to multiply tenfold at the action, practically bubbling out of her as she lets out the cutest giggle. Soonyoung finally raises his head to look around, and he holds back a frown upon realizing that the child’s guardian is nowhere in sight. Glancing back down at her, he briefly wonders why the girl seems perfectly calm and giddy for a child that’s gotten lost. Bending down to meet the girl’s eyes, he attempts to mask his worry as best as he can. 

“Hello!” he greets, a gentle smile never leaving his face, “May I ask where your parents are? Or maybe whoever you came here with?” 

The young girl appears to be thinking for a bit, mouth opening and closing as if contemplating on how to answer. Shortly after, she gives him a short reply, “I... I don’t know...” she pouts and Soonyoung has to suppress a coo of affection. Rocking on her heels, frowning , she finishes with “I’m sorry, Santa”. Soonyoung gives her a reassuring pat on the back and straightens himself back up, “There’s no need to apologize, now how about we look for your parents, hm?” He motions for her to follow him to the mall’s Help Desk, but before he can move he realizes that the girl’s grip on his robe has yet to have loosened, tugging once more and posing another question for him. 

“Santa, can I tell you my Christmas wish first before we go..?”

Her eyes are trained on the tiled floor, too abashed to face him directly, but he smiles down at her regardless. “Of course~ tell good ol’ Santa any wish you may have—“, he lays a gentle hand over hers, “—I’m no genie but I’ll do my best to grant it.”

She looks back up at him, smiling widely, and stands up on her tippy toes in an attempt to reach his ear. Soonyoung understands the intention behind her actions, and bends down so that she can tell him her wish with ease. She cups her hands around her mouth, and leans closer before whispering. He doesn’t know what he was expecting from the wish, but what comes out of her mouth subverts his expectations immediately.

“I wish... I wish my uncle would be less lonely...”

To say the older was taken aback would be an understatement. Most kids her age would probably opt for more outlandish wishes. Superpowers, the latest overpriced toy, infinite candy, a pony, or generally anything a kid’s imagination could think of. They’d test the limits of Santa’s powers, determined to make the most of their Christmas wish, cashing in on all the good deeds they’d accomplished the past year. Surely, in their eyes, _the_ Santa Claus would be able to fulfill any wish. So Soonyoung always entertains their wishes, gives them an extra piece of candy or two if the wish amuses him, and calls it a day. He doesn’t know if it’s beyond his pay grade to worry for this kid and her uncle (spoiler: it _is_ ), but he’s not one to pry and even less of the type who’d want to meddle in another person’s family affairs. Still, with the little girl putting someone else before her own outlandish desires, something tugs at Santa Soonyoung’s heart. 

He realizes how long he’s gone without responding, and is about to ask her to elaborate before a loud voice echoes in the mall’s lobby, startling everyone in the vicinity. Soonyoung would’ve felt more embarrassed at the unnecessary attention being drawn to them, all the late-night shoppers witnessing the scene unfold, but that’s the least of his worries. 

The little girl bows towards Soonyoung, uttering a quick “Thank you for listening, Santa, I hope you can make it come true!” before jogging briskly towards the origin of the voice, who turns out to be a familiar face, one he hadn’t expected to see again after all this time. 

Lee Jihoon. 

Lee Jihoon, his (ex)best friend since they were in diapers. Lee Jihoon, who he had promised to be with forever. Lee Jihoon, the first love who moved away before Soonyoung could pluck up the courage to confess. _That_ Lee Jihoon. 

Years of repressed emotions come rushing back at once, and he somehow finds himself standing up from his crouched position, eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights. _Wow_. To Soonyoung, Jihoon looks just as stunning as he had been all those years ago. Though some elements of his youth have faded away over time, with his sharper features and leaner build replacing all the soft curves he had been used to, he’s undoubtedly the same Lee Jihoon he had fallen in love with. What once was faded pink hair is now a stark black, and though it should be considered less eye-catching now, he can’t seem to tear his eyes away. Everything that’s not Jihoon just blurs around him, the bright, multicolored Christmas lights serving as a perfect backdrop to the already breathtaking view. It’s as if he has Jihoon tunnel-vision, seeing nothing but him. 

The man is squatted down, eye-level with the young girl in front of him, hands firmly placed on her shoulders. Worry is etched onto his facial expressions, mouth moving a mile a minute, uttering words Soonyoung can’t hear. Soonyoung can barely make out what he’s saying, with how his ears are ringing from all the adrenaline coursing through his veins (or maybe it’s the nearly 24/7 exposure to too-loud Christmas songs blasting through the speakers causing the ringing in his ears), but from what he’s gathered, they were in the middle of gift-shopping when the little girl had wandered off without the elder knowing. He wants to say something— anything— to make his presence known. 

Maybe a casual _Hi. I’m Kwon Soonyoung._

He gulps. 

_Do you still remember me...?_

However, his body fails to cooperate with his brain, and nothing ends up coming out of his mouth. He shakes his head, frustrated with himself, attempting to pull himself back to the present. All he manages to do is step a few paces forward, catching the tail-end of the conversation in front of him. “—Don’t _ever_ do that again.” He glances over at the girl as she bows her head down in guilt, lips quivering as though she’s on the brink of tears. The elder sighs and pulls her into a warm embrace, rubbing her back in comfort as she lets out a sob. “Look, I don’t want to get mad at you like this, but I was really worried. I don’t know what I’d do if anything bad ever happens to you.” He pulls away briefly to cup her face and wipes away the tears, and something warm and fuzzy blooms in Soonyoung’s chest at the sight. 

The girl continues to sniffle but seems considerably calmer, so Soonyoung decides to finally approach the two. He lets out an exhale, mentally cheering himself on, _You can do this, Soonyoung, it’s just Jihoon. Your Jihoonie._ Raising an awkward hand when he’s close enough, he greets, “Hey, long time no see, Ji.” 

The man looks up at him in confusion, eyebrows furrowed as he stands back up, a protective arm secured around his young companion. The girl looks between the two adults, eyes shining in awe, presumably wondering how _the_ Santa Claus knows her guardian on a first-name basis. Soonyoung’s palms start to sweat as a dreadful thought begins to cloud his mind, _Does he really not remember me?_

The man merely stares at him for a moment too long before letting out a small “Oh!” in realization. “Soonyoung... is that really you?” 

A bright smile forms on his face right then, until he glances back down at the strands of fake white beard hair jostling at the bottom of his field of vision, realizing why it had taken so long for Jihoon to recognize him. 

_Oh how he wishes this reunion had happened under better— or at the very least normal— circumstances._

“Yeah, it’s me.” If Soonyoung’s smile is forced, cringing on the inside, the other man doesn’t appear to have noticed as he returns the greeting with an equally wide grin. “Sorry, didn’t recognize you with the—“, his hand gestures to the Santa costume, “rather _unusual_ get-up.” 

The lilt in his tone of speaking made it obvious how laid-back this exchange was, and Soonyoung can’t help the genuine smile tugging on the edge of his lips. Somehow, though so much time has passed since they’ve last seen each other, their dynamics haven’t changed one bit. He recalls Jihoon’s signature quick-witted humor and easy smile, Soonyoung grinning like an idiot, braces and all, with heart eyes that everyone but his best friend can notice. It’s as if they’re still the same preteens they were all those years ago, huddled up in front of the TV in the elder’s room, gulping down cans of cola while bingeing Full Moon o Sagashite for the millionth time, belting out the opening song with no regard for their parents downstairs. _Looks like even after all this time, and after everything that’s happened, nothing much has changed between us._

“Yeah”, he replies curtly, but the other man looks like he wants to ask more about it, so he continues, “—started doing this every Christmas a couple years ago”

 _After you left._ He doesn’t add.

“Cool.”

Just as the awkwardness of the whole situation begins to creep up on them, the little girl speaks up and Soonyoung feels bad about forgetting she was present this whole time, listening to their exchange. “Um... I’m Lee Jinae...”

 _Lee..?_ It finally dawns on Soonyoung that he doesn’t know the relationship between Jihoon and the little girl. Just how much of Jihoon’s life has he missed out on after a decade of no contact? Did he... meet anyone new?

“...how do you know my Uncle Hoonie, Santa...?” 

_Oh._

He scolds himself mentally for jumping to conclusions too quickly, grounding himself and responding smoothly. “Well, your _Uncle Hoonie_ and I have been friends since we were about your age.” 

The smile she sports is radiant, and Soonyoung can’t even begin to imagine the interrogation Jihoon would be getting from the kid on their way home. “She’s Seok’s daughter”, Jihoon adds, ruffling her hair. _So that’s why her eye-smile looked so familiar._

“Oh wow... he’s married?” Soonyoung scratches at the nape of his neck, still absorbing the reality of how much of each other’s lives they’ve missed. 

“Yeah... time sure flies.” 

A wave of awkward silence almost washes over them for a second time when both men decide to speak up at the same time.

“Do you want to—“

“Is it alright if we—“

Both of them let out a laugh, and Jihoon urges Soonyoung to speak first, so he smiles brightly and continues.

“What I meant to ask was, do you perhaps want to meet up whenever you’re free? It’s been a while and uh...”, he smiles sheepishly, “...it would be nice to catch up, without the costume at least.”

“I would love to, and actually—“, Soonyoung tells himself that _No, Jihoon is most definitely not blushing right now, it’s just my imagination_ , “—I was just about to ask you the same thing.” 

They both share yet another friendly smile— Soonyoung thinks _Wow, this must be the most I’ve smiled in a while, I can’t believe my cheeks are actually starting to hurt because of this_ — before he begins to wave goodbye. “Well, it was nice seeing you here—“, he shifts his gaze towards the girl, now rubbing her eyes in exhaustion, not used to staying up this late, “—you too, Jinae. Don’t worry, I won’t forget about your Christmas wish.”

He holds up his hand for a high five, which she returns with a gleam in her eyes. Jihoon gives him a confused look, so he schools his satisfied expression and turns to leave, until he feels a warm grip on his shoulder.

“Wait— I think you forgot something else.”

It’s Soonyoung’s turn to look at the other in confusion, “What did I forget..?”

Jihoon shakes his head in amusement, eyes turning to crescents as he grabs something from his pocket— his phone. Soonyoung facepalms internally, ears burning as he fishes out his own.

“Ohh, right. How were we supposed to decide where to meet up when we don’t know how to contact each other—“ he lets out a mixture of a sigh and a chuckle, “I’m an idiot.”

“Well, nothing new there.” 

Soonyoung levels him a good-natured glare before looking back down and entering the last few digits of his new number into Jihoon’s phone, typing in “Hoshi”— a nickname only Jihoon used with him— with a tiger emoji at the end. When he returns the phone, he doesn’t miss the little huff of amusement the other lets out, “So your tiger phase isn’t over yet?”

Soonyoung knows he’s a grown man but that doesn’t mean he can’t pout at the statement, “It’s not a phase, it’s a lifestyle.”, he says as he raises his hands to form tiger claws. Jinae mimics the pose after watching the exchange, giggling, “Can I call you Tiger Santa from now on?” 

Jihoon fixes her a look of mock disapproval, Soonyoung cackling at the side, “Don’t encourage him, Jinae-ah”, patting her back before signaling their departure.

“We really should get going now... but see you next time, Soonyoung.” 

“Bye, Santa!” 

He waves back at the two of them, only looking back down to check his phone when he no longer sees them in the distance. _So there will be next time, huh._ He checks his contacts to see what Jihoon set his name as, and he smiles to himself upon reading the familiar “Uji”. He adds a heart emoji to the contact before pocketing his phone, a satisfied grin never leaving his face even when he pulls up his blanket to sleep. 

—

The next time they meet each other, Soonyoung’s fake white beard and bright red Santa outfit are nowhere to be seen, with him dressing himself in his usual winter attire. Standing outside of the café they agreed to meet at, he pats down a few stray locks and adjusts his overcoat, using the glass windows as a mirror. He’s at least fifteen minutes too early, but he thinks that it’s more than enough time for him to calm his nerves. It’s only been about two days since he’s seen the other man after all, so he might as well present himself normally this time. He seats himself in his— _their_ — usual spot, shaking off the outer layers of his outfit due to the warm temperature inside the café. He tilts his head to look outside, eyes trained on the small specks of white fluttering down from the sky. Thinking back on the history between him and Jihoon, he can’t help but compare their relationship to that of the snow drifting downwards. If he were to stand in the cold and lift his palm up, the snowflakes could land on it and melt near-instantly. In his and Jihoon’s case, he would be the snow falling aimlessly, swirling down onto the hand that is Jihoon. The snow could drift further and further away, failing to land, or the hand could simply retract itself, never leaving an opening for the snow to land in the first place. But if given the right opportunity to reach the hand, it’d melt into it, reconnecting and becoming a part of the other in a way. He lets these obscure thoughts consume him for the time being as he waits.

When Jihoon finally arrives, signaled by the chime of the entrance door and the ping of his phone with a text message reading “im here :)”, Soonyoung is greeted by what he deems to be the most beautiful sight in existence. Jihoon, on the other hand, knows exactly where to find Soonyoung, heading straight towards his direction, not having forgotten about the seats in the café that they had claimed for themselves back when they frequented it in their university days. As he walks through the shop, Soonyoung can’t help but admire how good the other looks in his fluffy oversized coat, dark hair fanning his face and nose cutely dusted with a red tinge from the cold. 

Instead of seating himself down across from Soonyoung, he first sets down the outer layers of his clothes as well, greeting him with a quick “Hey, have you ordered anything yet?” while standing. The elder blinks up at him, “Nope, I was waiting for you.” 

Jihoon gives him a small smile, dimples peeking out, and Soonyoung swears he’ll never get tired of fawning over the sight. “I’ll buy us both drinks then, my treat. You haven’t changed your go-to holiday drink order, right?” 

Soonyoung is genuinely surprised, “You still remember what it is?” 

“How could I forget, we had a whole debate because of it.”

They both laugh at the memory, “I still can’t believe our second most heated argument was over mint chocolate of all things.” 

“It’s settled then, one order of Peppermint Hot Chocolate for you, one Iced Americano for me.” 

As the younger goes to place their orders, Soonyoung decides to look around the café, observing all the different people littered around the establishment. His gaze lingers on a pair of college students, their eyes fixed on their own laptops, presumably finishing up some schoolwork despite being on their Holiday break. Soonyoung reminisces on similar times he spent with Jihoon. 

They’d crash at each other’s dorm rooms like they owned the place, and though they often worked on their own respective requirements without exchanging much words, it was always a comfortable silence. Their friendship dynamic had always been like this for as long as he can remember, feeling incredibly at ease with each other regardless of the time and place. With the two of them being introverts, they’d often feel socially drained when forced to interact with people for long periods of time, but strangely enough they never felt that way when with each other. They had been friends for so long that Soonyoung considers Jihoon as an extension of himself instead of as just “another friend”— their relationship with each other was always different from their other friendships, and not just because Soonyoung later realized that his love for the other was more than platonic. Sometimes he thinks it’s scary how he’s able to lower down all of his defenses when he’s around Jihoon, as if nothing in the world could ever hurt him when he’s around the other, that’s just how much he trusts— _trusted_ — him. Maybe that’s why it hurt all the more when he left for his hometown all those years ago, taking a part of Soonyoung’s heart along with him. He tells himself it’s all in the past and doesn’t matter much now, but he still hopes to get proper closure this time around. 

Soonyoung only realizes Jihoon’s returned to sit across from him when he hears the snap of his fingers in front of his face. He looks up to see the other drinking his cold brew with a straw, pushing the hot chocolate towards him. He accepts the drink wordlessly with a nod of thanks, taking a sip of it thoughtlessly before grimacing at the burn on his tongue. 

Jihoon spares him a knowing look, “You got something on your mind?” 

“Yeah, actually, I was wondering what you’ve been up to these past few years.”

The younger hums while sipping a bit of the coffee before responding, “Well I mostly spent all my time working for my parents in the family business with my brothers, I still dabble in music from time-to-time as a hobby. Nothing eventful really happened since maybe Seokmin’s wedding or Jinae’s birth... what about you?”

“I got the studio I always dreamed about... I teach different dance classes and sell choreographies sometimes.” 

“Wow, congrats—“ Jihoon cuts himself off and lets out a snort, Soonyoung gives him a confused look so he continues, “—sorry, I just realized how serious we’re being right now, we should talk about something more interesting—” 

The older barely thinks before blurting out, “How’s your love life going, then?” 

Jihoon stares at him blankly for a moment, and Soonyoung considers telling him he was just joking before Jihoon lets out a loud cackle. “Me? My love life is as nonexistent as it's always been.” Soonyoung doesn’t know if this response is good or bad news, so he chooses his next words carefully. “Me too, I guess we’re both in the singles club.” 

The other looks him in the eyes and appears to actually be shocked, “Wait... you’re serious?” 

“Don’t tell me you’re surprised—“

“Of _course_ I’m surprised. Mr. High School Heartthrob is still single after all these years... I bet you regret rejecting all those girls back then, huh“, he wiggles his eyebrows teasingly, but even Soonyoung can tell that there’s something else on the other’s mind. So he replies with a halfhearted eye roll, “Nope, I may have a lot of regrets from back in the day, but that’s definitely not one of them.” 

They’re looking directly into each other’s eyes now, nursing their respective drinks in their hands. They tear their gazes away at the same time, suddenly finding their surroundings to be infinitely more interesting. Soonyoung regrets his choice of words, and hopes Jihoon doesn’t catch on to the implications behind what he said. He decides to keep the conversation moving forward, “So what finally brings you back here... after all this time?”

Jihoon faces him again, something akin to guilt lingering behind his eyes. Soonyoung almost feels bad for bringing it up without warning, but he thinks he deserves an explanation, and more than anything he just wants them to get back to the way they were before. 

“My parents decided to expand their business to Seoul, so Seok and I volunteered to manage it. He always wanted to move his family here to give Jinae better opportunities anyways, and I just missed the city...”

Soonyoung nods in understanding, but he can’t help but be disappointed at how straightforward the answer was, at least before Jihoon mumbles a “...and also because I missed you.” 

His attention snaps back to the other at that, and he can feel his whole face blush a bright red, he hopes the other doesn’t notice it or at least attributes it to the weather.

“I missed you too...”, before he can stop himself, he adds, “...so why didn’t you try to keep in contact with me?”

Jihoon looks like he was expecting Soonyoung’s initial reaction, but doesn’t know how to respond to it and remains silent at first, organizing his thoughts.

Soonyoung holds back a sigh, his original plan was to resolve all of their issues rationally. Instead, he let his emotions get the better of him. He decides he’ll have to let out all of his lingering feelings once and for all as it was going to happen eventually anyways, so he might as well get it over with. 

“You know how we spent nearly every moment of our lives together, especially because our parents were so close...”

When he sees Jihoon nod, he continues, “...well, when we both moved to Seoul for University, I had trouble adjusting at first. Somehow, though, I was still able to get through it... and that’s all thanks to you. I didn’t feel nearly as homesick as I would’ve been had you not been by my side back then—“, he cringes a bit internally at his next words, “—and as cliche as it sounds, you were like home to me.”

If he notices the other man’s ears burn at the statement, he doesn’t mention it, continuing to speak, “Even when things got hectic because of school, we always found time with each other... and when it gradually became more difficult to catch a train back home for the holidays, we spent every single Christmas together at each other’s places. It didn’t matter how we spent it— trying and failing to bake a gingerbread house, binge-watching those cringe-y holiday rom-coms, giving each other discount cards as gifts because we were too broke to afford anything else at the time— I cherished every single one of those moments.”

Jihoon is itching to express his own feelings, but he knows it would be best for Soonyoung to let it all out in one go, so he keeps silent and takes in all of the other’s words. He understands where he’s coming from, after all. 

“You know... the whole reason why I’ve been volunteering as a mall Santa all these years is because of you. Being surrounded by families and friends bonding may have stung at first, but eventually I found comfort in it. At the very least, it made me feel less lonely at this time of the year.”, he didn’t mean for it to come out as harsh as it sounded, but he continues nonetheless, “When you left, I understood your circumstances. Family obligations came first and I would never hold you back, your parents are also mine in a way, so I was confident that the physical distance between us would change nothing. But when all my calls went unanswered... messages left on read... when you practically disappeared with no explanation whatsoever— I even went back home to _look for you_ .” he pauses to regain his composure, “But _coincidentally_ , you just happened to not be home that entire week. I didn’t know what went wrong... where _I_ went wrong—“

“—None of this was your fault, Soonyoung, it’s all on me”, Jihoon couldn’t stand to see the other man blame himself when he wasn’t the one responsible for widening the rift between them. He thinks it’s about time he does what he came back for in the first place, “I’m really sorry, Soons.”

He looks down as he speaks, unable to bear seeing Soonyoung’s reaction as he continues, “I was a coward— and can I be honest?”, Soonyoung looks at him like he hadn’t just bared his whole heart a few seconds prior. 

“Okay, stupid question, I know—“, he sighs, “To be honest, I always thought I was holding you back.”

This is news to Soonyoung, and he can’t believe this is the first time he’s hearing about this. “What do you mean..?”

“Your dreams... the rest of your life... you had it all planned out here in Seoul. I always knew I’d have to return home to help my family eventually, and though I would’ve loved for you to come with me...”, he inhales a deep breath, gathering his emotions, “I could never stand in the way of what you love.”

‘But I love _you_ ‘ Soonyoung thinks.

“My family never stopped asking me about you, by the way. ‘ _How’s Soonyoungie doing?_ ’ _‘Does he have a girlfriend yet?_ ’ ‘ _Does he want a job here if things are tough in the city?_ ’. You won’t believe Channie’s reaction when I told him to answer the door and tell you I wasn’t home when you visited. It was so, so selfish of me... but I thought seeing or even just talking to you would just make me want to leave instantly and return back to _you_.” 

Soonyoung has to mentally restrain himself from assuming more from those words, he doesn’t want to give himself false hope— he’s been hurt enough— but the fire in Jihoon’s eyes tells his heart otherwise. 

“The worst part about all this is that I _knew_ you’d pack up and come home with me if I asked you to.”, Soonyoung can’t find it in himself deny the statement, so he keeps his mouth shut and allows the other to continue, “I don’t even know if this apology is enough to make up for even a quarter of the suffering I’ve put you through, and maybe it was inconsiderate of me to show back up in your life again when you’re doing fine on your own, but I just figured it would be better to do it now that the opportunity presented itself. Anything beats letting us become complete strangers after all we’ve been through.” 

Jihoon still has his eyes trained on the floor when he feels warmth envelop his hand, resting on the table. He looks up to see Soonyoung’s palm over his, the other man’s eyes glistening with an emotion he can’t place.

“Hoonie, I forgave you the moment you showed back up in my life.” 

Jihoon feels the heaviness in his heart slowly dissipate as Soonyoung continues, “I know I blew up on you earlier, but believe me, I felt much better after getting everything off of my chest. Listening to your story, I agree that you were a dumbass for deciding on your own what’s best for me—“, Jihoon gives him a playful kick under the table with a pout and Soonyoung lets out a small laugh at the action, “—but I understand the reasons behind what you did and I’m willing to put it all behind us. I’m honestly just happy you’re back.”

Jihoon smiles when he feels Soonyoung’s thumb rub circles on the back of his hand, “Me too, I’m happy everything’s cleared up now—“, he stops when he notices that the other’s face is subtly scrunched up, as though he’s contemplating something, “—if you have anything else you want to tell me, I’m all ears.”

Soonyoung retracts his hand right then, and Jihoon unconsciously suppresses a frown. Soonyoung, on the other hand, begins to mentally hype himself up, _it’s now or never_. He spent years regretting not being able to come clean about his feelings, and he will not let this opportunity pass, not when he’s been thinking about this moment for the longest time.

“Jihoon... I like you. By ‘like you’ I mean... _like_ like you.” 

He sees Jihoon tense up, and his heart clenches at the sight, not knowing if it’s a good or bad sign. “It’s okay if you...”, he stills his expression to avoid looking hurt— they just finally fixed things— he can’t afford to mess this up, “...don’t feel the same way. I just wanted to be honest with my feelings... and with you.”

Jihoon reaches back out for Soonyoung’s hands to clasp them in his own and the other’s eyes meet his, “Soons, didn’t you understand a single thing I said earlier..?”, he grins, amused, when the other tilts his head in confusion, “I came back for _you_ . I would’ve dropped everything back home had I so much as heard _your_ voice. I made stupid decisions because I thought they’d make _you_ happy. I may have realized my own feelings late, but if all that doesn’t mean I _like_ like you too then I don’t know what else does.”

Soonyoung’s face breaks out into a dumb grin in realization, one he doesn’t even bother hiding this time. Jihoon’s smile is equally bright, and he brings his hands up to squish the other’s cheeks in a moment of fond weakness. Soonyoung’s smile widens even more than he thought was physically possible, and his heart feels the fullest it’s been in years.

—

They walk out of the café after finishing their drinks, hands warmly tucked into Soonyoung’s coat pocket. Both their faces are a fierce crimson, and not just because of the chilly weather. 

“I still can’t believe what just happened.”

Jihoon squeezes the other’s hand in comfort, “Well you better believe it, because we will definitely be spending Christmas together to make up for lost time.”

“Only if you accompany me at the mall and dress up as an elf for when I play Santa Claus every year from now on.”

Jihoon glares at him playfully— Soonyoung can’t believe he actually misses his glare of all things— and jokingly retracts his hand. “Okay, so maybe I _do_ regret coming back—“ 

Soonyoung pulls him into a hug from behind, encasing Jihoon in his warmth. “Nope, no take-backsies. You’re stuck with _this_ Santa forever.” 

Jihoon attempts to frown exaggeratedly but leans back into the other’s touch nonetheless, beaming, “If you say so.”

They burst into laughter, wordlessly intertwining their hands, not caring about the people passing by witnessing their exchange. Together, they walk to the subway station, only separating when it’s time for them to head to their respective trains. Before Jihoon turns to leave, Soonyoung remembers to tell him something, whispering it into his ear before sprinting away and blowing kisses at him. Jihoon is left there stunned, stomach fluttering but mildly confused.

He stands there, mumbling to himself, “What on earth does he mean by ‘ _Tell Jinae-ah that I’ve already fulfilled her wish_ ’?”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This one-shot honestly turned out a lot longer than I originally anticipated, so I hope it didn’t feel too boring or dragged-out at some points :,)
> 
> I’m glad I was able to finish this by Christmas but it was at the expense of the fic’s overall quality, so forgive me for minor details or scenes that could’ve been worded better 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed it~ If you did, leaving a kudos would mean a lot to me <3 Let me know your thoughts or anything in the comments~ you can also find me at [@starry_gloss](https://twitter.com/starry_gloss) :))
> 
> Happy Holidays~!!


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